I'm switching gears from business to personal today. I'm proud to be supporting National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. As I shared previously, I'm apart of the Mor Community team, where we equip, support and enable mompreneurs. Well, all month long we have been taking part in pregnancy and infant loss awareness month, and I wanted to also share here with my Sensational Soirees family.
While I haven't personally experienced miscarriage and the loss of an infant, I do have family and friends who have, so I wanted to share today in hopes of providing support to women and mothers who have experienced this type of loss and to provide awareness to all. To help with this, I have my very dear friend, Tracy Harris, sharing her story of miscarriage and hope with us today.
My husband, Milton, and I always wanted a big family. We married young, I was 21 he was 23. We never tried to prevent pregnancy and decided it would naturally happen when it was supposed to. Well, after a year of failing to get pregnant we decided to go to the doctor just to “make sure we were both good”. It was a huge sigh of relief when the doctor confirmed that Milton was perfectly healthy, but then she informed me that I had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, which could’ve been the cause of us not easily getting pregnant. Being the Google queen that I am, to the Internet I went, researching and trying to understand what exactly this would mean for us. We prayed and left it in God’s hands that in His perfect timing, we would be blessed with a baby.
I will never forget the day we had our first positive pregnancy test. Seriously, the level of delight, joy, and hope was palpable. We thanked and praised God and made our exciting first doctors appointment. Leading up to this appointment, I took about ten home pregnancy tests just to smile at them! The day arrived for our first appointment and I’ll never forget the ultrasound tech’s face. She left out the room and the doctor came to take a look. After about four minutes, the doctor informed us that the “embryo” was not viable. She went on to say this pregnancy was really just a chemical pregnancy since I was only seven weeks. The way she spoke those words struck my heart like a dagger. It was as though we were fools for even being so excited so early. The joy and excitement my husband and I felt was so far removed from her explanation that I almost felt stupid for even being excited.
Milton and I had already loved our baby. Now, we were being told it was “just a chemical pregnancy”…basically this baby didn’t count since it wasn’t really a baby yet. I felt humiliated that we’d even shared the news with anyone. In our heads, having our baby was the only logical outcome. I recall a close friend of mine saying “Oh you were really early, it’s ok, don’t be too sad.” I knew she meant well, but it was as though she was saying, “it’s not really that big of a deal”…for us though, it was. When people respond this way to your loss, no matter how far along you are, it makes you feel as though your grief isn’t really appropriate.
For those who perhaps have no idea how to support a woman after miscarriage, I would say the best advice I would give is to acknowledge that a loss has occurred. Try not to be so uncomfortable that you end up saying nothing. My sister took the time out to pray for me which I found to be very helpful and reassuring. It said to me "your loss matters, your grief matters, your pain is legitimate." That simple act of kindness and care was very comforting and made me feel very connected to her.
Milton and I suffered through two additional miscarriages. We suffered through alone because we dared not share our news with anyone until we were far enough along. We cried, we prayed, we prayed some more, and then we moved on. We resolved that maybe we simply were not meant to have children. After so much disappointment, we finally got pregnant again, made it to twelve weeks, shared the news, and had a beautiful, healthy baby boy. We named him Jayden because the name means, “God has heard”, and God truly heard our prayers! We were extremely grateful to have our one son that we did not expect to have any more. After six years of using no contraceptives, another little blessing came out of nowhere. Baby boy Samuel arrived almost seven years after our first baby. We chose the name Samuel because it means, “asked by God, heard by God”. It is true; sometimes your greatest blessings come when you least expect them. Never lose faith.
I'm so grateful to have a friend like Tracy, and appreciative of her sharing here today. Her story is especially inspiring to me, as I've witnessed her journey first hand, and today I'm so blessed to be the godmother of her 2 amazing sons! I hope her words encouraged you. Share in the comments section how you connect with Tracy's story or tips you have for finding hope after miscarriage or supporting someone who has been through one.